As I prepare to head out to the East Coast, I’m left with an overwhelming sense of love and gratitude to my brother for letting me stay with him in Garland, Texas, for two whole months. We hadn’t lived under the same roof together since I was 13 and he was 18. I’ve visited him a lot, but that isn’t the same as LIVING with someone. After the first week, it was clear that we were picking up where we left off…at ages 13 and 18. I’m please to report that now, upon the eve of my departure, we have finally caught up with our true ages…39 forever and also 39 forever.
In that time, I managed to convince him to go for and finally land his dream job. He starteed that new job today, and I think it’s going to be a great experience for him. Which is awesome, because his last job sent him to hell in a handbag every single day of his tenure there. His former boss, Amy, fired him immediately after he returned from his monthlong FMLA leave following his heart attack in March. there’s a special place in hell for bosses like Amy. And for her, that special place in hell happens to be her job working as a contractor for the company that just hired my brother—he’s her new boss. I love instant karma.
I also managed to convince him to stop sabotaging his love life, so he’s dating again. I really, really like his new guy, Mike. The night of their first date, Mike decided to tease my brother about having failed to introduce me to Mike when he arrived, by mentioning loudly that Larry “was rude not to have introduced us.” In true ASD fashion, I explained that actually, my brother didn’t introduce us because I’m pretty shy about meeting new people because I have autism. Then I introduced myself before wandering out to the patio to slap on the VR headset and challenge my nephew’s Beat Saber score. I’m not actually THAT shy about meeting ALL new people, but I’m 100% about making my brother look good. Mike brought it up at dinner and said he thought it was fantastic that Larry accommodated my disability like that. This is something that Mike would take note of, as he has physical limitations which he can only overcome through the use of a walker.
Larry told me that when Mike was younger, he’d had an incredibly hardcore partier life. After the death of his husband, Mike went to some pretty dark and drug-infested places. The darkest place was the hospital bed where Mike had landed after a series of overdose-induced strokes in his brain stem. Mike said that he could think normally and that he could see and hear everything. Other than that, he was completely paralyzed. The entire time he was in that bed, the doctors and nurses just told him to give up, because most people with brain stem strokes end up is a vegetative state. THAT just pissed Mike off. The most amazing thing about this is that the very first thing Mike forced his body to do was hole up his forearms, ball up his fists, and extend the middle finger of each hand. One day when the doctors came in and asked if he was still hangin on, Mike flipped those fatuous doctors the bird—with both hands: “FUCK YOU!” My first though upon hearing THAT story was, “welcome to this goddamn family, you beautiful son of a bitch!” I honestly think Larry hit the jackpot with Mike.
One thing I have really enjoyed was hanging out on the patio at night, drinking wine, smoking cloves, and just talking about whatever. It’s been a long time since I’ve had anyone around to just shoot the shit with on the daily. I look forward to meeting new people and spending time with old friends. I never had enough time for that before, but I’m changing all of that with this move—I’ll actually be near enough to spend real time with these folks. I wish I wasn’t moving so far away from my brother. But then again, I expect to be pretty mobile. Next time I come, I’ll be in the Winnebago instead of displacing my brother from his own room for two entire months.
When we really get to talking, we range far and wide in our subject matter. And then we come back to one of three topics: paranormal creepy crap, why the straights perplex and disappoint us, and 70s-80s sci-fi TV. Last night, we talked about how terrifying the ocean is:
Larry: (scrolling through his phone and then stopping to stare at the screen in horror) What. The. Fuck is that?!”
Me: (looking up from my doomscroll in hopes of seeing something that isn’t some Republican Christian Fascist doing stochastic terrorism against the QuILTBAG) What?
Larry: Have you noticed these creepy fish washing up in California?
Me: the ones that look like a facehugger bred a basketball?
Larry: Yes. Those exact ones. Why are they washing up?
Me: No telling. They’re SUPPOSED to be deep-ocean fish. I’m not sure what they’re doing up here…Hey. This is horrifying.
Larry: What?
Me: The Orca slaughter of the Great Whites in a feeding ground that has historically been dominated by Great Whites They’re flipping old Bruce over and ripping his liver out to scare off the other
Larry: Yikes. That IS horrifying.
Me: It’s also troubling. One of the few things that scares a Great White is the smell of a dead Great White. Orcas have been known to kill them before, but to my knowledge, this is the first time they’ve taken over a feeding ground. Not that anyone is willing to admit that this is what’s happening. But I think it’s what is happening.
Larry: Why are they doing that?
Me: Hunting grounds. Has to be. As the oceans change, the Orcas are…wait.
Larry: What.
Me: So, Orcas and Great Whites are both apex predators. Their feeding grounds don’t usually overlap this much. The only reason to force Great Whites out of their turf is to take over feeding there. Which means that the things Orcas usually eat…aren’t available in the usual places.
Larry: Okay. So why is that?
Me: Could be that the usual prey is dying off because of climate change. Or maybe other predators from deeper down are pushing their way up the water column and eating the typical prey fish.
Larry: Maybe both. I mean, did you read about that prehistoric shark—
Me:—The Greenland shark. Yeah.
Larry: It was found swimming around in the Caribbean.
Me: That poor thing is made for the arctic. I can only imagine how miserable it is in Caribbean waters.
Larry: Maybe it was chasing after food.
Me: Maybe. I mean, there’s a lot to be said about sharks turning up in strange places because they get lost. But honestly, the only reason to make yourself that miserable would HAVE to be because you were starving and trying to find food.
Larry: But what about all of those weird fish washing up in California?
Me: Maybe they’re chasing food, too…or maybe whatever usually eats them has gone elsewhere.
Larry: Well, we have a pattern of apex predators pressing closer to shore in search of food. Orcas killing Great Whites. Shark sightings are at an all-time high.
Me: Oh yeah. Sharks are being sighted a LOT more often off of Cape Cod.
Larry: I think they’re even seeing sharks in New York.
Me: Shut the fuck up! I read the other day that the number of shark bites isn’t keeping increasing at the same rate that shark sightings have.
Larry: Yeah. Uh-huh. For however long that lasts.
Me: I also remember reading how sharks hate the taste of humans. They like super rich super fatty seals. We just aren’t calorie-dense enough.
Larry: (Patting his slight tummy bulge) Speak for yourself. (swigging his Cabernet) I’m approaching shark food calorie density as we speak.
Me: And yet, sharks bite us. Imagine how hungry a shark would have to be to deliberately eat a low-cal shit sandwich just because it bobs around like a wounded sea lion.
Larry: It’d have to be fucking starving. With no better food in sight.
Me: Do you think there might be something else to this?
Larry: Something like what? Something sinister?
Me; Yeah. We still have no idea what all is in the Mariana Trench.
Larry Honestly, Climate change explains a lot. But so would THAT
Me: I have to admit that some sort of prehistoric Lovecraftian nightmare is exactly the kind of creature that could push apex predators inland towards shore. Maybe it’s eating all of their food because it’s a stronger predator.
Larry. Who are you kidding? If that thing exists, it’s eating the Orcas and Great Whites. Their usual prey is just an appetizer.
Me: You’re not wrong. Larry, do you think Kaiju exist?
Larry: I’m beginning to wonder.
Me: This is the las thing I really want to think about right now. I’m headed to the coast and hoping to do Coney Island for my birthday. Now I have to worry about Kaiju.
Larry: I’d be more afraid of the sharks.
Me: Honestly, what scares me the most about swimming at Coney Island right now is the polio.
You know what? I am really going to miss my big brother. I hope I am able to come back end visit him someday.
